Speculation
by Misai
Summary: Songfic. Oneshot. Hao speculates upon his one thousand years of life and upon someone unexpected, yet familiar. Contains spoiler for those not past Volume 24.


**Speculation**

+-+

It is true that I have been persecuted my whole life by humans who believe they are the highest beings of the earth. After all, this was why I originally intended to kill them all in the first place. Claiming their superiority and talent, I could only stay silent for so long. 

_

Is your kindness only an act?  
To hide all your lies  
You are so selfish  
About to fly away  


_

Zanchin, Borris, Peyote, Big Bill, Blocken, BoZ, Turbin, Luchist, Opacho, Mathilda, Kanna, and Marion. To find these lost souls took blood and sweat to find. All are powerful Shamans who I know would support me to rule a Shaman empire in which they all believe in. Of course, many people had to be sacrificed along the way. Diethyl's parents had the talent and could have any location of any person or thing within the world detected by the skills of their pendulums. But they were with the humans. They supported the humans, the very same people who have tortured me throughout the one thousand years I've lived. 

_

Only your back is visible  
I can hear it   
Are you going to fight alone?  
You are so selfish  


_

It might sound strange...but I have died twice and had been able to resurrect myself from the grave unlike so many who have not been able to justify the rules of nature. However, I didn't realize the third time I would live, it would be the third lifetime that would change me forever. One thousand years has not made me waver in my decision. The followers in my past have died for my sake and I am going to fufill this cause for them as well as my own. And one thousand years I haven't stopped murdering. 

_

"I will come back"  
Your voice overtook mine  
You insist on acting strong.  
To turn back time,   
To scream out loud  


_

Of course...it isn't that I _want_ to murder. But there is a point when you have no choice but to do what you have to do. Make sacrifices. Unfortunately, this third lifetime was threatening me countless times to throw away my beliefs already. 

It was Yoh. 

Being near him made me regret the murders I've comitted the past three times I had lived in this corrupted world. To give it all up and live within peace and tranquility. To forget the revenge I've wanted to bring upon these humans. They must get what they deserve, is that not right, Yoh? 

There was Mother too. I couldn't go back to the grave where death had called out to me for the millenium I had lived. What would she say? She wouldn't be happy. She would shun me of my cause and I would return to my selfish state of wanting everything to myself. If mother was here, would I be able to look at her in the eyes and tell her this was for her too? 

And I thought I had seen you, Mother, again. Through the eyes of a young lady who was to be wedded to my brother. It was unbearable to look at her in the eye and to believe at the same time that it was you I was looking at. Were you gazing upon me in shame when you had slapped me in the face? Was it your "Yoh will be Shaman King" a circuitous way of saying I will fall? Even after all this time? For you as well? 

_

Do you think it will help?  
Now anything can be done  
The one thousand words I cannot say  
Only able to send them towards your back  


_

Enemies have sprouted anew, and in my belief, none would ever be as powerful as I am. It wasn't possible. There was no one in this time I had recognized in the past one-thousand years I had lived my life in pain, to not have a soul understand me, to turn away from my followers, the only people who would even offer to sacrifice their lives for me. 

_

Through a set of wings  
The one thousand words I cannot say  
You looked so brokenhearted  
As I rest my head on your back  


_

The Holy Iron Maiden Jeanne. I once heard, wanted to bring justice upon mankind and show the world what purity was. At first, my heart seemed to have sewn up a few more of my century-old wounds. With no one being able to surpass her power supposedly, maybe we had brushed paths once a long time ago. A thousand year memory can go hazy with one person. 

_

Grabbing you close to my heart  
In the epilogue of my dreams  
I think of you  
Pretending to forget that day's events  


_

But my heart had sunk once more, wounds had reopened, this time deeper. She was just like the rest. To have my head on a silver platter. She doesn't realize how much we are alike. To bring justice upon everyone. To sacrifice for a cause, to have followers who would die for that sake. 

She wasn't the one who will help me too. But nonethless, she was an extremely valuable soul. Only few can be spotted like mines very rarely. 

It does not matter, I suppose. After all. She is a weird girl. 

_

Being very selfish  
Your voice tries to change my vision  
You insist on acting strong  
To turn back time  


_

And my thoughts turn back once more to Yoh. Will he ever understand either? Can a soul truly be painless? Are all souls forever to bathe in a river of forever sufferings? Is Mother in that river because of me? 

_

To scold you  
Will it change anything?  
"I will not wait"  
As my shoulders hang down  
Is that not good?  


_

When the itako rested her eyes upon me, she was one of the very few who dared to look at me in the eye. She gave me a look like you would, Mother. A shameful look of how I was always that silly little child you always had to pick up. Out of all people, could you even understand me? 

_

Now, anything is possible  
Those one thousand words  
Are you already gone?  
I can only send them towards your back.  
Through a set of wings  


_

I could've sworn I saw you within her. That you purposely escaped death to stop me once more. Perhaps it was enough? Not enough has been sacrificed yet though. It is pointless to stop after one-thousand years of blood and sweat. The humans must receive what they deserve and that is the beyond the torture of Perdition. I want Yoh..and you..to see I'm doing this for the best. For you and all of you. Even if it means to murder or sacrifice. 

_

Resting my head on your tired shoulders  
Grabbing you close to my heart  
The one thousand words I cannot say  


_

No matter how many times I fail, I will be Shaman King. No one can stop me from my goal, and I swear by my grave I will obtain it one day and redeem you and all the Shamans who deserve so much better than they are right now. None of them deserve this. You don't deserve this, Yoh doesn't deserve this, I don't deserve this either. 

_

I send them towards your back  
Through a set of wings  
Once I hear those one thousand words  
I can finally rest on your back  


_

And one day, I will be able to look at you in the eye and be proud that I am your son. 

*~Owari*~  
  
A/N: It was Chien that showed me a scan of Hao thinking of his past and a picture of his mother showed up looking like someone very familiar...o_O; (and he began crying ;_;). I was in a "Hao-ish" angst mood and it was fun :D! 1000 Words is by Koda Kumi. Shaman King and Hao belongs to Takei-sama. And just so you know, I am an anti-HaoXAnna fan for anyone's information ::gets killed by fans::. 


End file.
